Breaking Silence | Relationships

“Stay within the sphere of grace I have called you to walk in. Don’t allow your natural affections or love to pull you away from the divine assignment on your life”- John Bevere, “The Holy Spirit” book

This has been undeniably the thing that keeps me “bee-lining to destiny. No, I am not called to singleness. Yes. That is a bold and transparent statement. But without transparency how can we walk in freedom? I am broken in more ways than I can share or begin to explain. But I am completely taken over by the Love of Christ. It’s unexplainable but, I am. And because I have His love containing me, I can stay the course. Not bending or settling to the desires of life that may or may not distract me from the purpose that was set for me before the beginning of time. Am I saying that it’s easy? Absolutely not. But I know who I am and Whose I am.

My thoughts have been churning deeply around the thoughts of marriage and relationships. My resolve is this: Our earthly relationships are meant to compliment us. Not fulfill us. But why do we crave love. I’m saying what some may be thinking. And that’s okay, because whoever you are, you are not alone.

God created us so His presence can fill us, and though it may not always be tangible, He is ever present. We were made with a God sized hole that only He can fill. 

When I first became a Christian, I was dating a guy that did not believe as I did and to the demise of my heart, I had to walk away, thinking that whomever was going to capture the fancies of my heart, needed to at least be a Christian. I was 17. And completely naive. A month later, I dated a “Christian” by label only, not by lifestyle. And this time, I was forced to walk away, circumstantially.

At 17 anImaged 18, relationships, are everything. Well, that and education. Still hoping, but still so oblivious to Who I truly needed to be in a relationship with. I pursued yet another relationship with another “Christian” guy. Wrong again, for two reasons:

| I pursued |

| The label Christian did not match up to the lifestyle, Christian|

So at 19, I was over it or at least, I tried to be. Because that summer, I still felt so, so empty. I knew that I had a relationship with God but I didn’t understand that He was “The One.” The One, that can fully satisfy me and fill the void I felt inside. It’s not after another failed attempt at being filled with the presence of another “Christian” guy that I was truly done with pursuing the title I thought would change the dynamic of my young, young life.

And so here it is, 9 years later, imperfectly finding my way to His heart and still reminding myself of truths I need to remain “happily single” until such a time is over. I am no longer naive to the things I thought would make me whole. I am Completely Loved and Filled by The One. Jesus.  Revelation? I think so.

Anchored in Zion

Renee Jael

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